D.A.R.E to Resist the Sun

Here is a first-person, magazine-style story that I wrote during my senior year of college. It is one of my favorites -- enjoy!

I felt a sense of excitement rush through my body as I stepped into the small, dimly lit room and locked the door behind me. As I breathed in the familiar scent of tropical body lotion and disinfectant, I began to strip down, effortlessly falling back into my old routine despite the fact that it had been almost two months since my last visit. I laid down on the hard, plastic surface, adjusted my eye goggles and closed the capsule down around me, anxiously waiting for it to begin.

I knew it was wrong. I knew they’d be disappointed. But as the bed began to hum and the first rays of UV light hit every part of my body, I couldn’t help but feel an undeniable sense of joy.

After a short fifteen minutes, the soothing sound abruptly stopped and the bulbs went black. I snapped back to reality, feeling shameful as I redressed and scurried out of Planet Beach tanning salon. As I readjusted to the climate of reality and stepped into the brisk, October air, I felt like everyone around me knew what I had done. I had relapsed.

My name is Jackie Cole, and up until about three months ago, I was a tan-a-holic. Tan-a-holics, also referred to as tanorexics, will repeatedly brown their skin at any cost. After years of slowly destroying myself for that coveted year-long glow, I had finally decided to call it quits. That is, until that dreary Thursday morning when my yellowing complexion and gloomy state of mind got the best of me.

I nervously walked towards my boyfriend’s apartment, knowing that the moment of truth was just minutes away. Danny was always telling me how proud he was that I stopped tanning, encouraging me any way he could and building me up when I complained about my lack of sun exposure. I couldn’t bear to let him down.

I prayed that the UV exposure I received was subtle enough that no one would notice. But when I reluctantly turned the knob to his apartment that afternoon, I discovered that I could not have been more wrong. After a few delayed seconds, he finally turned his head away from his Playstation 3 game towards my entrance, and his eyes widened as they registered the meaning behind my flushed red cheeks. I watched as his mouth transformed the originally loving words meant to greet me into the accusation I dreaded most.

“You went tanning!” he immediately said, calling me out on my darkest sin. Dammit! I was caught. I tried to giggle in innocence, but he stared me down with disdain, making it clear that I was now in the dog house. And the worst part was, Danny wasn’t the only one I was letting down.

A Real Addiction

Although it may seem ridiculous to some, my relapse with the tanning booth was the result of more than just a superficial disgust with my appearance. When I woke up that early Thursday morning, I was down on myself before I even stepped in front of a mirror. My mind instantly filled with all of the commitments and tasks I needed to address that day, and my reluctance to lift my head from my pillow was only made worse by the uninviting murky clouds and drizzling rain outside my window.

So when I finally got up and groggily stepped into the light of my bathroom to examine my reflection, the fact that I looked as overwhelmed as I felt just put me over the edge. It wasn’t that I was pale. It’s just that I wasn’t tan. And on days like that, a visit to Planet Beach gave me the sunlight and warmth that reality couldn’t.

I was seriously addicted, but apparently I was not alone. Approximately 18 percent of American college students tested positive for a physical addiction to indoor tanning according to a 2007 tanning study from the Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology using a standard substance-related disorder test. In other words, individuals like me can become addicted to UV rays and experience a high like a drug when exposed to them. This is because sunlight can produce endorphins, chemicals released in the brain that are commonly referred to as “natural morphine,” and create a euphoric feeling in the body.

Because of this, education about the risks and long-term effects of too much UV exposure does nothing to combat a tanorexic’s desire to bronze. We become desperate for the UV rays that have become such a consistent pick-me-up in our lives and find ourselves feeling empty without it. In fact, out of those college students found to have a physical addiction, 41 percent of them reported that the primary reason they go under the lamps so frequently is simply to relax.

Therefore, when I reflect back on that Thursday morning, I realize that I had no idea I was going to break my sunless streak until I felt my fingers dial the numbers to Planet Beach and heard myself make an appointment. I needed an escape, so I mindlessly followed my instincts back to what I had counted on for so long. It was like my body went on auto-pilot and into complete denial of the damage I would do, focusing solely on lifting my mood.

Unfortunately for tanorexics, our denial of the serious consequences that accompany our addiction is made worse by the tanning industry’s support of our bad habit. One third of tanning salons across the country deny the connection between indoor tanning and skin cancer, although it’s been made pretty clear by the American Cancer Society. And the Indoor Tanning Association of America plants ideas into our heads about our body’s need for Vitamin D and sunlight, when in reality, the Vitamin D received from just one indoor tanning session is enough to last over two weeks. As an addict, it’s easy to find the positive reinforcement we need.

So how did I finally get enough motivation to cancel my Planet Beach membership once and for all? It wasn’t because of the risk of wrinkles, because I knew I had a while before I had to worry about that. And it wasn’t when I learned from the American Association for Cancer Research that using a tanning bed just once under the age of 30 can increase your risk of skin cancer by 75 percent, because I thought those numbers didn’t apply to me. It was when skin cancer invaded the lives of my fellow tanorexics that the consequences of my reckless behavior became too real for me to ignore any longer.

The Wake-Up Call

When my friend Melissa told me that she had gotten cancerous growths on her stomach and thigh removed over the summer, it hit closer to home than any statistic ever could. She and I were always the tan ones in our group of friends, guiltlessly hitting the tanning salon on a weekly basis and using baby oil instead of SPF on spring break. We reveled on in our friends’ jealousy as they gushed over our bronzed glow, and reinforced each other’s lack of concern about its effects on our skin. We assured ourselves that two girls with olive skin were safe from the risks of too much sun because we rarely burned.

But while dermatologists do agree that those with naturally dark pigmentation are less likely to get skin cancer, the words “less likely” do not mean “impossible.” Skin cancer can happen to anyone who is willing to take the risk. As of August 2009, the American Cancer Society classified indoor tanning under the highest level of cancer risk, putting it in the same lethal group as tobacco, chimney sweeping and the hepatitis B virus. But for addicts, this information is hard to digest.

Natalie, my long-time best friend and roommate, was also admittedly tanorexic during college until the repercussions we ignored for so long became a reality for her family. Natalie’s mother was diagnosed with skin cancer and now has to make monthly visits to the dermatologist to get patches of skin removed from her face. Worse, although she admits she had a “love for the sun” in her youth, Mrs. Harvey denies ever tanning indoors on a regular basis. That was the worst part of that rude awakening because Natalie and I both knew we had a love for the sun indoors and out.

With Melissa and Mrs. Harvey now covered in scars, Natalie and I realized our constant sun-kissed glow might not be worth the price they were paying. But it wasn’t until the beloved older sister of my childhood best friend, Sarah, got diagnosed with stage three skin cancer that my tanning addiction came to a screeching halt. Not only did Sarah have to cope with unattractive scars, she had to endure chemotherapy because the cancer had spread. At 27 years old, Sarah had to explain to her young daughter why Mommy had no hair because she loved being tan.

For me, that was the last straw. I realized that I could actually be killing myself. With a new sense of determination, Natalie and I made a pact to drop the UV bulbs once and for all.

Coping with Recovery
The first few weeks were bearable. We laughed at our fading skin and poked fun at our friends who couldn’t’ drop the habit. We calculated that by terminating our tanning memberships, we would save a whopping $360 a year. We researched what colors went well with lighter skin tones and planned for a new winter wardrobe. We knew we were better off, and life was good.

But then we got pale. Really pale. Probably the palest we have ever been. And things got complicated. I was shocked at how my newly sunless life sent me into a state of self-conscious depression, and found myself desperate for ways to bronze my skin. I even secretly wished I didn’t have a partner in recovery so I could lie under the UV light just one more time.

But what we experienced was not just a result of a paler complexion. Science has proven that our bodies actually missed the regular release of endorphins given to us by our previous tanning habits. Studies show that when frequent tanners quit cold turkey, many develop symptoms similar to that of narcotics withdrawal. Tanorexics who kick the habit are also at risk of seasonal affective disorder, a type of depression triggered by lack of sunlight.

However, I’m currently living proof that an addiction to indoor tanning is not completely hopeless. It’s been almost two months since the Planet Beach incident, and I’m proud to say I’m officially UV-free. It hasn’t been easy, but here are a few tips I have learned for fellow tanorexics who are having trouble staying away from the tanning salon:

• Ease off slowly. If quitting cold turkey leaves you depressed, experts suggest cutting down gradually. Make a two-week plan to stop and keep your goal in sight.
• Hit the gym. The release of endorphins that comes from excessive sun exposure is almost identical to what many refer to as “the runner’s high.” Researchers suggest being active for 45 minutes a few days a week to produce the same euphoric feeling.
• Use UV-free alternatives. Almost every tanning salon offers a sunless spray tan service, but if you’re nervous about an environment-induced relapse from visiting the site of your old addiction, try a bronzing cream or self-tanning lotion. They’re cheaper and available almost everywhere.
• Still depressed? Antidepressants may be the answer. As previously stated, some recovering addicts may suffer from seasonal depression. If this is the case, seeking prescription help from your doctor may be the help you need.

“I know I’m pretty pale right now, but I’m excited to not look like a leather handbag in 20 years,” Natalie said to me with a laugh. It’s funny because if I didn’t know her during her tanorexic phase, I wouldn’t think the girl I was looking at was pale at all.

“I’m going to be wrinkly because I’m a great grandma,” she continued, “not because I’m 50 years old and tan.”

I couldn’t agree more.